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Re-Inhabiting My Body

At age 50 I have come to love you body. I’m sorry that this love is so long overdue. I used to feel like we were in a battle of wills, you and I. I was determined to try to force you to look a certain way and ignored your cries for acceptance. I saw your conditions, diseases, and illnesses as proof that you were out to get me. At times, my resentment ran deep. I saw you as my adversary.


How I held you hostage with my demands and my repulsion at your suffering. Often, I was a harsh task-master. I had no time for your imperfections or for your vulnerability. I refused to listen when all you were doing was crying out for me to love you. How blind I was to your pleas. How cold my heart to your cries.


What I thought of as your lack of cooperation was really your way of caring for me. It’s true, your illnesses forced me to rest, your diseases made me change my less than healthy habits, your pain brought me to my knees and led me to look upon you with tenderness for the very first time. Despite my neglect and my disdain you’ve stood by me, unwavering and unfaltering in your love.


Now, I see you for the miracle that you are. Beautiful in your ongoing transformation, you are both my teacher and my beloved friend. Your whispers in the dark remind me to let go of habits that no longer serve me and to lovingly put your needs first. You continue to heal yourself as I learn to live gently with you. You wisely let me know what nourishes you and what doesn’t.


After many years struggling against you, I now look upon you with tenderness and devotion. I know that my gratitude for all that you are continues to transform the way I see you, the way I inhabit you. I feel honored to listen to you, to learn from you, and to experience you. I feel great joy in loving you. I think today might be the day of my re-birth.



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© 2020 Susan Duesbery

United States