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Does Your Valentine Push Your Buttons?

Each of us has a core story that our subconscious formed to help us cope with the adverse circumstances of our childhoods. A core story is a false belief you have about yourself that is rooted in your subconscious mind. It’s like a virus in the hard drive of your computer. Reduced to its essence, a core story might sound like, “I’m not worthy of love.” Or: “No one will ever be there for me.” Or: “In order to be loved, I’ve always got to be nice and hide my true feelings.” Your ego masks the wounds of your core story in such a way as to make its destructive hold over you seem almost invisible. It’s possible to be fully in the grip of a core story and not even know it. For instance, you can be outwardly hyper-competent and hyper-achieving and yet inwardly feel like you don’t amount to anything.


Because you weren’t able to heal your core story in childhood it continues to affect every area of your life to this day. Primarily, your core story will show up within your romantic relationship because it’s within an intimate partnership that your deepest wounds get exposed. Intimacy invites vulnerability, thereby creating fertile ground for the ugly head of your core story to show itself. Until you heal this false narrative and replace it with a new, positive story for yourself your partner will continue to trigger the wounds of your core story. For instance, if your core story is, “No one will ever be there for me” you’ll most likely attract a partner who never really shows up for you. Or perhaps you’ll feel as though the affirmations that your partner does provide are never enough or that they’re insincere.


The good news is that discerning just how your partner triggers you will guide you toward the deep childhood wound that's rooted in your subconscious mind. In fact, the deeper purpose of an intimate relationship is to help you shine a light on your core story so that you can begin the work of understanding, processing, and releasing it. When your partner pushes your buttons you’re being invited to heal the core story that you weren’t able to heal when you were a vulnerable, innocent child. (This of course doesn’t negate the possibility that your partner might be exhibiting objectively problematic behavior.)


By understanding the deeper reason why you’re triggered by their behavior you can more readily determine the best course of action to take in order to address it. When you create the self-awareness to be able to do this you’ll cease to be at the mercy of your emotional reactions. You’ll begin to heal this false belief that’s been rooted in your subconscious all these years. You’ll feel empowered to have your needs met in a way that you couldn’t have before.


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© 2020 Susan Duesbery

United States